Unfortunate Implications

Yesterday I saw the latest picture of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and I have to admit, I am not loving it.

(And it’s not because of her ass.  I have no idea why it’s come under so much fire for being “flat”, it looks fine to me.)

Chris Nolan has described this Catwoman as a “shift cipher, calloused survivor, and world-class criminal.”  Pity she doesn’t dress like one…

1.  The Bow

They didn’t give her cat ears, they gave her a freaking BOW. Like some sort of sassy Dick Whittington companion.  If you’re gonna have cat ears, give her cat ears, don’t priss around like she’s some goth Hello Kitty.
I Would Suggest: Cat ears or not cat ears, whatever, just commit to it!

2. The Alleged Mask

To quote the Green Lantern film: “You thought I wouldn’t recognise you because I can’t see your cheekbones?!”  Remember guys, the Green Lantern film was considered the biggest cinematic turd dumped out since Batman & Robin (I don’t understand why, I really like it, but that’s mass opinion for you) and it still managed to make a little joke about it.  If you are taking one of the most ridiculous things about the superhero genre and playing it completely straight, that is not gritty and realistic, that is dumb.
I Would Suggest: Her WayneTech night-vision goggles, and a full cowl.  I’ve seen some shots of her in goggles, so it looks like they’re still a go, but is some realistic identity concealment too much to ask for?

3. Boots

Four-inch heels are uncomfortable enough to dance in for an evening, let alone leap across rooftops and fight crime. And here’s hoping she doesn’t have to bend down quietly on her thievery trips- if she managed to crouch down in the thigh-highs without falling on her ass, the telltale SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEK of leather on leather would give her away.  And don’t even get me started on the blisters- unless that’s what Nolan meant by “calloused survivor”.  Ew.
I Would Suggest:  Knee-high Doc Martens.  Very sexy, also very comfy.  Hell, any kind of biker boots would do.

4. Gun

These films are meant to be a more realistic, dark and adult version of the comics, but the comics are pretty realistic (ish) dark and adult already. The only time I’ve seen Selina with a gun in the comics, she was killing Black Mask- you know, that guy who tortured her brother-in-law to death then fed him to her tied-up sister, who went insane.  And even then, she felt guilty about taking a life.  So her holding a gun like it ain’t no thang seems really out of character.  Also as a friend of mine pointed out, her MO is silent breaking-and-entering -cat-burglar stuff- not violence and intimidation.  However, Nolan did say ”She has a very strong way of protecting herself and those she cares about, which implies an underlying darkness.”  So maybe this is some sort of revenge killing like in the comics.  I guess we’ll see.
I Would Suggest:  The whip, dammit!  If Scarecrow can have his fear gas in the darker and edgier Batman Begins, let Catwoman have her gimmick.  Besides, it’s a relic from her days as a street prostitute and dominatrix (edgy, check) and one of the main reasons she carries it is that it can’t be picked up and used against her (practical, check).  If there’s a scene in the movie where some two-bit hood manages to grab her gun, point it at her and spout something trite like “Bad kitty” to her terrified face, I am leaving the cinema then and there, shouting “That could’ve been avoided if she just HAD A FUCKING WHIP!”

These are all basically minor quibbles, though.  Minor quibbles that lead up to one giant massive WTF.

She looks exactly the same as Lee Meriwether in the 1966 Batman film.

OK, so “exactly like” was an exaggeration.  Meriwether’s costume is actually more practical than Hathaway’s; the boots have a smaller heel, and they only come up to the ankle so she can move her legs around easier- not to mention she has actual proper cat ears.  This reboot of Batman boasts that it is darker, edgier and more realistic- for the male characters.  The only female character of any worth in the whole trilogy, the definitive symbol of female sexuality and empowerment, and they take a costume from 50 years ago and make it worse.  Oh, but they give her a gun, so obviously it’s now bang up to date.

If I might be so bold as to suggest an alternative costume design?

This is Cassandra from the hit musical Cats.  As you can see, it still has the slinky 60s-style one-piece of the original design, only her face is fully covered by cat make-up and her shoes are capable of over three hours of vigorous dancing.  Much better.  Or just go for something like this…

It’s tough, it’s sexy, it’s practical, and better yet it was designed this century!

Naruto: Ninja Review Storm

So recently the world saw the release of the new Naruto Beat-em-up,

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations

Developed by CyberConnect2, who btw have made several Naruto games and are pretty fantastic at making them. They have also made Asura’s Wrath, which I plan on getting at some point in the future, due to it looking incredibly fun! (Who doesn’t wanna punch an enemy the size of a moon and make him explode?)

But back to the review!

Now despite the opening cinematic of the game implying some sort of crazy battle between past and present the game itself is more a compressed version of the previous titles Ultimate Ninja Storm and Ultimate Ninja Storm 2. Which is not a bad thing, it covers most of the plot of Naruto and a lot of the plot of Naruto Shippuden. It does gloss over a few battles but this is a game made to be entertaining which means it isn’t just for fans. I have said before how fans ruin everything good about a series!

Gameplay is good and upgraded from previous titles allowing lesser skilled players to not get completely destroyed by more experienced ones. However When I tried the online mode designed for new players I found myself overwhelmed on several occasions, I’m not terrible at the game as such but maybe a better matchmaking system needs to be put into effect.

Visually the game is great looking with anime cutscenes to give new players insight into the story and to give fans something to watch while waiting for their ramen to cook. The combat looks fantastic each character having their own uniqe style and special moves adds a lot of colour to the room!

As with most japanese entertainment I watch or play I refuse to listen to the english dubs as they tend to ruin the game/story for me (except for the disgaea series where the VO are top notch!) So subtitles all the way, and the Japanese VO work was very well done as usual!

I give the game a solid 7/10
It stands out on it’s own but hasn’t added much to the series as whole I feel.
I’m also under the firm belief that CyberConnect2 should make Bleach/Fairy Tail/One Piece games but for now just Naruto

I’m also well aware that Naruto is “baby’s first anime” but I find it fun to play as a game and I still read the Manga today!

Blast from the Past! Firefly

(aka “Laura catches up on stuff that she really should have seen before now in order to claim geek status”)

Before a few weeks ago, I hadn’t seen Firefly.  This was NOT MY FAULT.  Firefly was, unfortunately, a victim of the Shaw-Brotherwood Effect.  Unsure what the Shaw-Brotherwood Effect is?  Of course you are, I only named it just now.  Basically the Shaw-Brotherwood Effect is when you off-handedly mention to someone that, say for example, Firefly looks interesting, and you are immediately smothered under a verbal blanket of hysterical praise: “OHMYGOD Firefly is AMAZING!!!  ‘I swear by my pretty pink bonnet I will end you’ *laughter* ‘Curse your sudden and inevitable betrayal!’ *more laughter*  OH you HAVE to watch it, it is the BEST THING you will EVER SEE!!!”

And then, inevitably, when you watch the much-behyped show and it does not cause you to laugh non-stop until you need major surgery to fix your ruptured spleen, or indeed give you a blow job and a bacon sandwich, you are bitterly disappointed and denounce the show as complete shit.  So whenever I feel the SBE occurring, I just think to myself ‘Well great, I can’t watch it now *huffy sigh*’

So about three years passed between the SBE discussion and me actually watching Firefly.  I was in my flat with only the cat around to tell me how awesome it is, and he can’t talk, hasn’t seen Firefly, and wouldn’t know what to say about it if he had.  So I downloaded it, and watched the series from beginning to end, like it’s meant to be watched.

It was pretty good.  Space western is a unique genre, which I like.  The much-misquoted one liners were actually pretty funny, Zoe’s snarkiness quickly made her my favourite character, and the crew were just morally grey enough to keep things interesting whilst still making us root for them.

But, it’s basically Farscape with less aliens and more gratuitous Chinese.  And, considering Farscape was one of those shows that I watched avidly as a pre-teen and escaped to in my brain, it will always be the best “rag-tag bunch of misfits on a spaceship” show ever.  Well, joint best, along with Red Dwarf.  Still, it’s not a great sign when everything good about Firefly made me chuckle and think ‘Heh, just like Farscape!’

Weirdly, though, I’ve found it way more interesting since I found out a bunch of stuff from interviews- like Mal isn’t an atheist, he just hates God for not being there for him in the Battle of Serenity.  And the fact that Inara’s terminally ill!  That made me see her in a whole new light.  But if you have to rely on people researching the show to get the most out of it, maybe that explains why it didn’t do so well.

Only me and Twilight Sparkle find research fun

(And don’t be giving me that ‘It would’ve been in the second season’ argument.  Just because it’s not revealed till the second season doesn’t mean you can’t build it up a little in the first.)

I’ve been a little harsh on the treasure of our people, but overall it was really good and something I enjoy watching.
Rating: 4 borderline psychotic child prodigies out of 5

Oh, also, I came across a Which Firefly Character Are You? quiz.  I am apparently Shepard Book.

OK, so the quiz kinda sucks

Mass Effect 3- The Myth, The Legend, The Shepard

So Mass Effect 3 was finally released last week. Already finished it of course. Being a Bioware fan means I dedicate hours of sleep-time and work-time to playing their games. SO WORTH IT!!

Kaiden Alenko, Commander Shepard, Liara T'soni

Firstly however I have to say, despite how they have tried to make ME3 for everyone, it really feels like a game for the people who played the first 2. I feel like I should say how the gameplay is fun and the story is fantastic accompied by a soundtrack which really embraces the tone of the game, but this is Bioware. They do nothing but deliver the best in story-driven games.

Another thing to mention which has already drawn masses of attention in the form of rage was the day one DLC. There was so much anger surrounding that which seemed strange as no one seemed to care what the DLC was. I’ll tell you. It was a spare costume for all the characters (which only changes their look, no stat changes) and an extra character + weapon. The weapon itself is alright, not too powerful but it does the job. The DLC character - SPOILER ALERT STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW – is a Prothean left in stasis. The last prothean, he is pretty interesting and has a few good interactions with the other chracters and provides a bit of depth to the story HOWEVER he isn’t central to the plot. My point is that the day one DLC is good but not necessary at all so people should take the sticks out of their collective asses and either buy it or ignore it!

The game really does tie up the loose ends from ME1 and 2 some choices you made result in conversations being overheard others have core story changes. I have heard of some people complaining how despite certain choices made, some things like the Quarian/Geth situation. Without going into much detail, if you took Legion with you during Tali’s Loyalty mission in ME2, you can make the Quarians lean towards peace, however in ME3 that didn’t seem to matter.  Again though I find myself on the side of Bioware, despite the choices offered to us, we play these games to be told a story. Sure we choose things to push the story forward in a way we find pleasing, but at the end of the day it is Shepards story not ours.

The endings (three of them thus far, I hear rumours of a DLC ending in the works but nothing official)
Each has it’s own good points and bad points, however personaly I only conisder one of them to be “canon” I use quotes due to the fact Bioware are bound to put more into this franchise and certain endings chosen will have MASSIVE REPERCUSSIONS ON THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!!!
Without giving much away Shepard suffers quite badly in all the endings which annoyed people. I’m sorry to hear that but serisouly? Did you expect the war to go nicely with no problems at all, and Shepard would settle down on a small farm somewhere and live happily ever after? To those who wanted that ending I say this:

“IT’S A WAR AGAINST GOD-LIKE SPACE CYBORG SHIPS!!! ONE RANDOM PLOT DEVICE WON’T FIX EVERYTHING WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE!!!!”
Ok I’m done shouting! The game really drives home the idea of sacrifice, in fact I don’t think there is more than three lines without the word sacrifice being used….

The multiplayer adds more depth to the game as well, which is fantastic fun, plenty of weapons and enemies to fight. I hope Bioware add more content to that however, as after a short time, most of the content will be unlocked!!

So to summarise; anyone who has played ME1 and/or 2 will enjoy this game thoroughly (possibly not the endings)
People who have played the first two games will still find this to be an engaging, emotional, space epic.

If you got this far thanks for reading, your reward is a lego Shepard

Lego Commander Shepard

Slut Geeks vs. Real Geeks

I should be working on my novel or sewing something right now.  I can’t.  I’m too full of rage.

Pictures comparing “real girl gamers” to “sluts licking controllers” aren’t a new thing, but there’s one that’s been making the internet rounds recently which has become very popular.  I hate it so much I didn’t want to put the exact image here (not wanting to give the bitter shrew who drew it further publicity), but unfortunately a Google Image search doesn’t yield much else.  So I will reluctantly put it here (colours inverted to denote eeeeeeeeeeevil) so y’all can see what I’m so miffed about, but believe me when I say there’s dozens more just like it.

My computer is crying right now.

Wow.

It’s the Madonna/whore complex, nerd-style.  That’s the first problem.  You are either an unwashed loser whose personal hygiene is inextricably linked (no Zelda pun intended) with the fate of your current fantasy land, or a vapid bimbo with utterly no knowledge or respect for the hobby you are sexualising.  PICK ONE.  What’s that?  You’re an attractive woman who loves videogames but also uses deodorant?  Whatever.  You’re clearly some sort of poser.

Say we accept that this is a parallel universe where attractive and geeky are mutually exclusive.  WHY in the name of all that’s good and holy is Slut Geek trying to appeal specifically to the nerd demographic?  It’s not like nerds are picky about their erotic material- ‘Girl-on-girl 69? They’re not sexually stimulating each other with Wii-motes? Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly masturbate to that!’  This attractive slut could expand her audience tenfold by licking something not associated with any particular subculture, like an ice lolly, or a penis.  Why in Stan Lee’s name would she want to specifically arouse geeks?  Could it be that, even if she is not one of us, then at least something about the geek folk makes her think ‘Y’know, I like these guys.  Out of all the people in Sector 2814 that could find me attractive, I’d rather it was these guys’?  Can we accept that?  No?

OK, so maybe somebody, I dunno, sent her a letter saying, ‘I have your puppy, Mr Wuffles.  Here’s a severed paw so you know I’m not fucking around.  Make me some nerd happytime material or the PUPPY DIES!!!’  Where did she get the controller from?  She must own a console, or be on controller-licking terms with someone who does.  Just to add context for non-gamers, my husband foamed at the mouth when I joked about licking one of our PS3 controllers, and I paid for them.  So one of her very best BFFs is a gamer, at least.  What’s that?  She could have stolen her brother’s controller?  Really?

Shit, you’re right.

All Slut Geeks live in a parallel universe where there are only two types of women, have had beloved pets dognapped and mutilated, and will do anything to get them back, up to and including engaging in pseudo-sexual activity with something that belongs to their hideous, unwashed nerdling brother.  It’s all clear to me now.

Oh, wait, hang on, what about the fine (and I do mean fiiiiiiiiiine) ladies of D&D With Porn Stars fame?

And Adrianne Curry, the first winner of America’s Next Top Model who was asked to leave Comic-Con for wearing a too-revealing cosplay?

Or whichever sexy cosplayer’s currently on the front page of Superheroes?

Or, oh I don’t know, how about EVERY WOMAN I KNOW?

Take me, for example.  I love Barbara Gordon, I do.  She is my favourite comic book character of all time.  I bought Batgirl #1 a few months ago, read it (all by myself!) and wrote a review about it on this very blog.  It wasn’t exactly unbiased, but I feel I got my sheer adoration for both Barbara and her current and best writer Gail Simone across.  Go read it.  Let the happy fangirlish squeeing wash over you like waves made of rainbows and sunshine.  Are you feeling the love?

I was just gonna lick it, but then it would get soggy.

If we apply SG/RG logic to this, I am not a real fan.  But you read my fangirl squee, right?  If you didn’t, that’s OK, you’ve just entered a sort of Schrödinger’s box where I am simultaneously a die-hard fan and a shameless hussy- which is really the least of your problems since there’s an undead cat in the box with you.  If you did read it, then that blurry webcam photo I took just now completely nullified my former geekiness.  That’s right guys and gals, we’re in an alternate timeline where I’ve never even read a comic.  From this point forth this blog will be about… wine (because it’s the first result when you Google “what normal people blog about”)

*           *          *

The original ending to this post was a brutal, vitriolic hissyfit at the sort of jealous, insecure person who would need to make an image like that.  It was horrible, and totally not in keeping with any of the Elements of Harmony.  The C-word was used.  More than once.  So in the spirit of keeping things pleasant, I’m gonna let Pikachu sum up the point I was trying to make:

Marvel Love: Wolverine and the X-Men

I’m six issues in to the ‘Wolverine and the X-Men’ series, and I’m loving it SO DAMN MUCH.  I realise this blog has basically been just DC-based so far, so I’m trying to fix that

In the recent X-Men run, Logan has taken on the role of team conscience, and Scott has been the guy who makes the tough decisions- pretty much a reversal of what I’d come to expect.  This conflict reached critical mass in ‘Schism’ over Scott training the kids to fight, and Logan wanting them to hide out and let the grown-ups deal with sentinel attacks.  I’m a little puzzled as to why anyone would be on Scott’s side in this, because sending children to war is, y’know, BAD.  The cast of X-Men have been divided neatly between the two camps, in what must be the most amiable custody battle in history- Logan gets Bobby, Kitty, Beast, the Guthries, Rogue, Gambit and Doop; Scott gets a bunch of people I don’t care about, plus Pixie, Psylocke, Storm and Colossus.  I thought two of my favourite characters, Anole and Rockslide, had stayed with Scott as I haven’t seen them in ‘WatX-M’ yet, but according to Wikipedia they are there.

Focus in the first few issues seems to be divided between the teachers (long-established characters we’re all familiar with) and the newest group of students (brand-new characters we probably need to be introduced to).  The new students are all completely different characters which makes for interesting reading, and nowhere is this more evident that in Dr. McCoy’s biology class.  Naturally, the best way to teach biology is to shrink the students down with Pym Particles, and take them on a tour of the janitor’s body.  And why not?  Once inside, the headstrong Shi’ar Kid Gladiator declares war on the white blood cells, loveable Broodling nerd Broo asks if someone will take a picture of him with the nucleotides, Genesis (Apocalypse’s unknowing teenage clone) makes the somewhat dark observation that all a man will be is written in his genes, Quentin Quire goes and hits on Idie, who is too busy marvelling that something as evil as mutant DNA can be so beautiful… oh, and did I mention that the school is on a sentient land mass called Krakoa?

Things are no less hectic for the teachers, especially Kitty.  In the space of five issues she has to deal with showing a school inspector that they are capable of looking after children, getting a surprising kiss from Bobby, and thinking she’s pregnant only to find that in fact her body is infested with a Brood swarm which will eat her from the inside.  It’s a nice change to see her playing an active role in X-life, as of the 17 X-Men TPBs we have, she has about three appearances.  THREE.  In one of them she just tells Emma Frost she’s fixed Cerebro and then leaves.  In another she’s a Danger Room construct to help Nightcrawler feel better.  So really, she appears once.

I was concerned after ‘Schism’ that the team I so love would be split and I’d have to get both sets of comics to get the full story.  I hoped they’d reunite so I wouldn’t miss out on anything.  After having read ‘WatX-M’, however, I can see how much better it’s working out.  The problem with X-Men is after 50 years, the cast started to get too big.  It speaks volumes about the quality of characters that rather than just push most of them to the sidelines, they have decided to separate them into two separate books, giving us more time with the characters we love.

Although, seriously Marvel, can we have more of Anole and Rockslide?  I love those guys

Demos, Comics and fun facts!

Busy as can be lately. Really problematic for a blog, but really good for life!
First thing then, the Mass Effect 3 demo…

What to say… Single player is a vast improvement on ME2, combat isn’t just storm and shoot, it involves actual strategy (at higher difficulties obviously)
Haven’t tried playing the more action-orientated gameplay yet where the story is decided for you, which as more of an RPG fan, I find to be less-fun; but maybe for the player who prefer action it is best!
Visually the game is stunning, lots of detail on weaponry and armoury. A few people have been finding bugs here and there, not a big deal considering it is a DEMO but still. Voice work is vastly improved, as it would be after five years. The first 5-10 minutes of gameplay show earth being attacked by the reapers and after playing the first two games, the music sets the scene amazingly well. More moving than a lot of modern films these days!

The multiplayer is where the demo stands out though. A bold move for bioware considering the first two games were single player and I was worried the multiplayer would feel dull and put there for fan demand alone. I was wrong.
You form a team of four or less players of varying class and abilities. Weapons can be modded and a few other bonuses are available such as ammo and armour types.  A nice amount of customisation which allows your elite forces to be tailored to your needs.
Even though the demo only has one enemy to choose from and only two levels, it is incredibly fun. A multitude of weapons to unlock and alter random players to team up with,  bioware have made ME3 even better than I hoped. Only one negative point so far is that, all progress made within the multiplayer is likely to be erased upon game release, which will be a pain! People will lose their rankings in a score board and all their character levels! (how terrible….. we’ll just have to player for hundreds more hours)

I also decided to try out Star Trek Online as it is F2P now. Gotta say, it is really fun. Getting your own ship, starting a crew and just exploring the universe of Star Trek is surprisingly addicting. I like to think George Takei would approve of the game but alas I can never be sure.

A lot of space themed games though, must be a mental craving of sorts!!
ANYWAY TO COMICS!!!

Been keeping up with the most of the New 52, loving most of it, thoroughly recommend all the Super family and the bat family.
What I wasn’t expecting to like was The Fury of Firestorm. It started slow but now they have two teenagers thrust into a very strange world of next-generation nuclear deterrence. Blue Beetle just finished its first arc, this is one of the titles I was surprised DC went with but I guess I underestimated how popular the Beetle is! I have noticed a pattern in some of the NEW 52 releases though, there’s a lot of transforming going on. I understand it is all a set of origin stories and opening arcs but if this was japan it would seem waaaaay too much like super sentai, kamen rider (that kind of thing) This isn’t a bad thing, just an observation.
Watched the X-Men and the Wolverine Anime. Very good voice acting from Milo Ventimiglia as Wolverine, I hope he does work with him again!

Lots of story to read there but before I go I leave you with a fun fact I learned.
The aging process is most living things is apparently a byproduct of evolution, which means natural selection decided things that grow old are better for survival of a species… strange!